Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
