When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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