just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
