Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
