yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
