C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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