Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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