I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
