She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
