ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
