I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
