Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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