And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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