im about as happy as oj after his trial
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
