How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
