oh god the rape fog is back!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
