We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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