shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
