there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
