Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to be your penis for a week.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
