hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish you could order shots online.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Randomize
