Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
