is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
