Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
