I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
