I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
