So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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