I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
