I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You pole danced in your parka.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
