Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
