I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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