i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
