If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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