I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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