i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
