I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
