Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
