omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
