I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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