Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
