please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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