I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
