the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
