my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
