Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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