I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize