The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
