He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
