why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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