I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
