so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
