Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
