FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
