im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
