yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
