me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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