...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
