He disabled his match.com account in front of me
from now on my penis is your penis
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
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