WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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